Springtime Sadness

March 9th,
Warm weather has the ability to transform me into a completely different person. I absolutely despise winter with a passion that consumes my soul. The first day of warmth when I can rock the aviators and shorts is always a wonderful day. Today was a truly beautiful day, but in the midst of my excitement, I found sadness. I have discovered that grief has the ability to sneak up on you when you least expect it. I am a little more than 2 months away from the anniversary of my child’s death. 22 months later and the pain is still just as real. Though everyone around me has moved on or forgotten, I am left to grieve alone. Time will never ease pain, but I am finding that grief comes to you differently. I would be lying to say that Evan is the first thing I think about every day, but there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about him. I would be lying to say I don’t see newborn pictures on Facebook and

 get envious, but know that my likes and comments are sincere. The time hop app is especially hard to look at right now. Two years ago I was embracing the warm weather and preparing for life as a mother. Evan taught me to stand up for my beliefs and to fight for what is important to me. Life for me was forever changed because of my child. I am reminded of him on the sunniest days and the coldest nights. On the best days and the worst days, Evan is my heart. The loss of a child is a lifelong journey. It is a journey that you never think about taking until you’re on the path. It was 75 degrees today, but a piece of my heart will forever remain frozen. 

 

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