Oh, but the fire went wild

It was as if I had found something I had been searching for my whole life, yet never knew I was missing. For twenty years I had looked but until this moment I never knew what it meant to be in love. In your arms, I experienced a euphoria that was completely foreign to me. In this moment, everything was exactly as it should be. Together in a safe haven without judgment and interference, my heart felt at home.This is the most intimate night I have shared with another person to this day. I wanted to stay right there beside you forever but even then I knew I couldn’t. From the very beginning I knew there were a million reasons we would never work out but unfortunately love is not a choice. When friendships become more than just friends it is impossible to go back to where you were before. I will forever think that what I felt for you was unrequited love but that does not make it any less real. I have no regrets when it comes to falling in love with you, nor do I have any bitterness towards you for breaking my heart. When you came into my life I was a lonely, bitter and empty person. You completely changed my life and allowed me to feel again. Even though I knew it was coming, the night you told me that we would never be more than friends my heart broke into a million pieces. Nothing was ever the same between us. As much as I wanted to salvage the relationship I acted crazy and pushed you until you eventually hated me. I loved you so much that could never be satisfied with living in the friend zone. My only regret between us is that I acted so insane. You made your decision and that was that. I may never know love this strong again and I am fortunate that even though it destroyed me, I had a chance to experience it. It took me far too long to learn that “happy ending” can have more than one meaning… God I hope you’re happy. I don’t think that we ever get over losing the one’s we love but we do let go of the bitterness. People still ask me about you and I just have to tell them the truth: “I don’t know what she’s doing now. We don’t talk”. You still come to me in my dreams sometimes and I wake up to find you’re still gone. I can’t listen to Johnny Cash, Ed Sheeran or Eric Church without your memory creeping in. I hope you never live a day without hearing “I love you”. I hope that he never lets you down. I hope the way you feel about him only grows stronger over the years. I hope he reminds you how beautiful you are. I hope he never forgets how lucky he is to be married to the most amazing girl on the planet. I hope he treats you like a queen. I hope that in 50 years you guys are still together and madly in love. I have never met someone so deserving of love. My feelings for you have not changed, but I know that I am moving on because I want you to be happy even though it is with someone other than me. It has taken me a long time to get to this point but I have finally realized that I love you enough to let you go.


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